The last couple of days, I’ve been frustrated about something and considered speaking to the “person” responsible for the situation to point a few things out. However, I knew that conversation would solve nothing. And, that, no matter how I phrased things, it sounded immature. Then I wondered what maturity is anyway. I found this blog “25 Signs of Maturity: How Mature Are You?” Take a read. Seems it’s Ok to be frustrated but ….
Do you think there is a certain age at which maturity sets in? Could it be 20? 40? 70?
In my personal experiences, I’ve observed that age has little or nothing to do with it. I have met young people who are mature well beyond their years, and I’ve known older folks who act childish, only thinking about themselves.
So the question is:
What are the character traits that show maturity?
And do “mature” people exhibit them 100% of the time?
Well, I’m not sure that we can be mature in every situation that presents itself to us because we are always growing and learning as human beings, and I’m pretty sure that all of us have been guilty of at least some of these negative behaviors at least once in our lives. That being said, by considering these 25 tell-tale signs, perhaps we can be more aware of the interludes in which our whiny, adolescent self rears its immature head…
1. Realizing how much you don’t know.
2. Listening more and talking less.
3. Being aware and considerate of others as opposed to being self-absorbed, self-centered, and inconsiderate.
4. Not taking everything personally, getting easily offended, or feeling the need to defend, prove, or make excuses for yourself.
5. Being grateful and gracious, not complaining.
6. Taking responsibility for your own health and happiness, not relying on others to “fix” you or placing blame for your circumstances.
7. Having forgiveness and compassion for yourself and others.
8. Being calm and peaceful, not desperate, frantic, or irrational.
9. Showing flexibility and openness as opposed to resisting, controlling, or being unreasonable.
10. Helping yourself, not just expecting others to do it for you out of a sense of entitlement.
How are you doing so far?
11. Doing good deeds even when there is nothing in it for you other than knowing you helped, being selfless.
12. Respecting another’s point of view, beliefs, and way of life without judgment, not insisting you are right, belittling another, or using profanity or violence to get your point across.
13. Sharing your good fortune with others.
14. Being able to turn the other cheek without wishing harm on another.
15. Thinking before acting and having good manners, not going off half-cocked, lashing out, or being rude.
16. Encouraging and being supportive of others.
17. Finding joy in the success of someone else, not envy or criticism.
18. Knowing there is always room to grow and improve and reaching out for help.
19. Having humility and laughing at yourself.
20. Recognizing that which does not work in your life and making an effort to do something different.
Feel like I should put a link to Tim McGraw’s song Humble and Kind
21. Passing up instant gratification in favor of long term benefits.
22. Accepting, liking, and loving yourself, not needing someone else to “complete” you.
23. Standing up for fairness and justice for yourself and others and choosing to do the right thing.
24. Making sacrifices for the good of others without resentment.
25. Not clinging to materialistic items or bragging.
I’m sure there are probably other signs, but this list covers at least the majority of them. I know we can always do a better job displaying our mature sides. I also know that, by doing so, we lift each other up through our example. What’s most important, however, is seeing the negative side of our behavior and knowing we must do something positive to change it…And that, my friends, is WISDOM.
So, how mature are you? Let us know how many of the 25 you do.
The way I spend my days is making sure everyone in and around my life are doing well, trying to be productive and taking care of daily commitments. So I need to ask… who has the time to dive into elements of society so deeply. I keep looking more and more at the news and wonder who it’s produced for. Everyone is making an effort to be politically correct — Is it correct.
I don’t care what your background and preferences are. I like everyone who is a good person. In fact, one of my little quirks is wondering why people choose the work they do and to learn about all the things I never knew goes into the job. Whether service or product, I want to know more.
Two Nights Ago
I was flipping through channels and ended up on Tucker Carlson. Why? Because there was a banner on the bottom of the screen regarding taking the word man out of the English language. Why? Because it is offensive. Every word that has the derivative man in it needs to be changed.
Yup, a professor in Indiana (I think that’s where it was) determined this need for language change. So we should no longer be humans. We are now hupersons. There are no congressman or woman. Only congresspersons.
Apparently every word or thought that is not gender neutral is offensive. First really? This is the most important thing to accomplish in the world.
So if I’m having a child and someone asks .. are you having a boy or a girl? I’m supposed to say. “I’m having a person.”
Once I have this person, he/she will have different needs. So how do we handle this? The book that’s supposed to teach children about the potty. How do you teach a person with different anatomy to be gender neutral?
Someone please enlighten me?
Aren’t we passed this? The statistics have changed. People of every shape, size and color accept everyone. Differences are appreciated and judgement is gone for all. The majority isn’t defined by difference; it’s defined by sameness.
However, there are a small groups of people that try to keep this idea active.
In my opinion, by doing that, you actually create a problem. Most people really think … if you’re not judging me, I won’t judge you. If you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you.
Does it really have to be this big a deal?
Small Groups With Big Voices
There are people in this world that have situations or tendencies that are less common that others . Most are a fraction of a % of the US, let alone, world population.
Should they be respected? Absolutely! Should we change our whole culture and government allotments to accommodate the few over the many?
What About the Many?
A month ago, I was watching the news and saw that the State of New York is going to give free college tuition to DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals).
So, if I am a US citizen and live in NY State, I have to pay or take loans to finance my education, but a non-citizen gets a free ride?
I can’t believe the people in the State aren’t having a fit.
No loan forgiveness for most citizens? No special financing for citizens?
How did this happen? I absolutely feel the DACA people are in a quandary.
It’s not unsolvable. It’s actually simple. If you want to be a citizen, you enter the legal process to become a citizen. Maybe there is a temporary green card to give time to get through the naturalization process and you’re good.
Someone has to be able to do the math to figure out how to set levels to mix them into the existing naturalization plan. That doesn’t seem too hard.
Could it be as simple as get rid of the lottery system and replace these spots with the DACA people?
The question then arises about their family, who are also here illegally here. Well, then there is a choice to make. Can they try to naturalize? If not, they made a choice.
Why do I have to make choices about how I spend my resources and manage my family, but others do not?
The Silent Majority and Our Elected Officials
I cannot imagine the pressures and people trying to sway their interests everyday.
However, the novel idea (that shouldn’t be novel at all) that is emerging is having these public servants making things easier for the majority’s needs proportionately to the minority. Again majority is by mindset and needs, not any other definition.
Things need to be prioritized. The two party system no longer working.
It’s just too partisan.
The reason the silent majority are silent is because the minute they something, they are labeled all kinds of things. Because of that they keep quiet.
They know their voices will be drowned out.
Every so often I watch a topic closely. And you can literally see officials flip flop for political gain.
Let’s go back to DACA as an example. Everyone agreed on tenets of what can solve the problem. However, it is more important to not solve it as some believe it will create an advantage for the mid-term elections.
So DACA stays in the news and diverts attention from North Korea, celebrating the Olympics or just telling a positive new story.
Do you know where I get most of my warm fuzzies? From posts on Facebook. If you want a heart warming story there are tons posted there.
People Without a Clue – Politically Correct?
I still don’t know the definition of misconduct. The few men I have spoken to about this have said they don’t know where the line is.
Some are saying they don’t want to hire or work with women because they are afraid of what they could be accused of.
Others are considering making date ground rules to avoid accusations later.
Can you imagine? Hi Jen. I’m looking forward to our date tonight. If it is going well and you’d like a kiss good night. Please let me know. Now, if we kiss and it is a pleasant experience, please raise your right hand. I will ask if you would like me to walk you to your door or we can just meet separately and avoid any awkwardness later.
There’s a chance our society is going to die out.
People can come forward years later. Even after things have been investigated to the hills and say they were violated. And in their perspective they probably think they have been treated badly.
But what is abuse? What is misconduct and what is permissible at one point in time and then not so years later? Now no one knows.
And what is abuse? Has that definition changed too?
When I was in college, I thought one possible profession for me was to be a psychologist or psychiatrist. My summer internships were at different departments in the county’s social services. One summer was adoption and undercare. Another summer was child protection and a third summer was mental health.
With this and other experiences in my life, I have had the humbling opportunity to see what real abuse is.
Sit in a family court room for a week and see what real abuse is. Spend a day with a social worker and you’ll see what real abuse is.
As an intern, they only expose you to the most mild of cases. Here are four quick stories that made me throw up after. I wish I knew how their lives all turned out.
The Sugarcoated Versions of These Stories
1.. Give the Child A Chance: A child had a a traumatic head injury from his dad harming him as an infant. From 6 months to 3, he lived in a loving foster home. The foster family wanted to adopt him.
His biological family would not relinquish him. Every week I had to take this well groomed, happy child to his parents, where four adults and 3 dogs lived in one filthy room. The child would cling to me the whole time. They had no idea how to connect with him. When the child saw me, he would cry and hold onto his foster mom, because he knew where he was going.
2. Emotional Care vs Convenience: An 11 year old had, he, and his 12 brothers and sisters put into foster care, because the parents couldn’t afford to take care of them. Once they got on their feet, they took all the kids back but the 11 year old. He kept running away from foster homes and return to his family. To stop this, they put him in a mental institution. There he had whole new challenge. It changed him into a cynical and paranoid individual I won’t write the things I saw there. Let me tell you; it is beyond anything you can imagine.
3. What’s the Return Policy: A 7 year old adopted child was returned to social services after 3 years with his family. Prior to the adoption he had a drug addicted mom and was left alone to take care of himself from 18 months on. He was completely neglected and abused. Again, beyond your imagination.
His return to foster care was not because he had issues. He was a sweetheart. Not because the family couldn’t afford to take care of him. He was returned because too many people said he didn’t look like the rest of the family. Social services tried to help the family come to terms with their decision. It seemed they were successful.
Then the family went to a church event where it was mentioned a few times. (The irony isn’t missed that this happened at a church event)
That’s when they moved forward to returning him. They didn’t tell the child that he was going back to foster care. The social worker, who I accompanied, had to. The child’s suitcase was packed and they called him downstairs and he was told. He cried harder than anyone I’ve ever seen. Screaming mommy, daddy as I carried him out. I sat in the back of the car with him and he held on to me so hard. He was brought to a temporary home for the weekend and then the next week he’d go to a more permanent foster family.
We brought him into the foster care house and he wouldn’t let go. He was devastated. After a half hour, the social worker felt he had acclimated enough and we could leave. He was told we were going and he grabbed my leg and didn’t want me to leave.
The social worker separated him from me and had me leave first. As we pulled out of the driveway, he was in the window watching and crying.
I still remember his face as if it just happened.
4. Murder: The 20 year old who shot his baby in the head:
This case was in criminal court. They wanted me to see how that part of the system worked. It’s nothing like you see on TV.
Simply, this young man was making a drug deal and his child began to cry in the back seat as they were negotiating money. The child wouldn’t stop. So, he shot him. The baby didn’t die immediately. He died on the way to the hospital. Thank goodness someone saw what was happening and called it in.
After the first crime scene picture, I couldn’t look anymore.
He was sentenced to 10 years in prison with parole option after 5 years.
These are the sugarcoated versions of these stories. Noe you can see why I vomited upon returning home those night.
Uncomfortable vs Abuse
As I hear people say I was uncomfortable after submitting to an activity to make them rich and famous. Or, to become rich and famous after the fact. Or, to create a stir to harm someone who is in the public eye.
Now, one person, that I’m aware of, refused the uncomfortable incident and didn’t become rich and famous. She made a choice.
If someone is uncomfortable they should feel empowered to say so. And it should be respected. It also has to be reasonable. Or it can become a can of worms.
I don’t know how these lines are going to be drawn or how they will be defined in a policy way.
These moments of discomfort only makes it harder for people really abused.
Their voices are the ones really unheard.
Humble and Kind
I use this every time any controversial subject comes up. I say this to my kids all the time.
If you are humble and kind, many big things can become solvable and small. It’s all about listening and learning.
This post has a ton of subjects covered. Tell me which ones need a deeper look. Or tell me your reactions.
Over the last few days, I have encountered several people who were unkind for no reason whatsoever. So, I thought it was time for someone to declare — Mean People – I Don’t Like ‘Em. Here are my examples of the meanies. Tell me if you agree.
The Potential Meanies
Someone sent me an email saying that they think our little, happy, peppy and bursting with love blog is a monetized site trying to hide money. This blog is written for friends and family and people who are interested in our topics or want to see what it’s all about. There are no ads, no requests for money (not even for charity), nothing of the kind, in any way. So I declare these people meanies. Next …
We were attending a gathering and someone was there who decided to make everyone aware how much money they had, all the property they own and how difficult it is to manage help especially building contractors. In their process of sharing their perils, they made numerous comments saying no one there could possibly know the pressure that comes with being so “comfortable.” Then went on to discuss their investment portfolio. And concluded that no one there could know how the market works. Pretty rude, because I knew many people there and know one used to work as a senior financial person. Because that person actually was smart, they said nothing. So, I declare these two over braggers … Mean People – I don’t like them.
This one isn’t that mean, but, I’m still adding it to the list. We had asked someone to keep a secret about a Christmas present we were buying someone. It is something that is going to make the person, who gets the gift, life much easier. This person needs some help with their house. We asked someone to take the person, who we are surprising, out so we could get in the house and measure some things. Well the distracting person told her what we were doing. So the surprise is ruined.
Observed Mean People – I Don’t Like ‘Em
We were out and the cutest little boy was playing. He was smiling and running around and just being a boy. The father said it was time to go. The little boy said, “can’t we stay a little longer.” The father said, “no.” So the little boy ran a little then turned around. The man picked up the child so viciously and was carrying him by the arm. The child looked scared to death. We were at a public place. There were police around as well as, who appeared, to be the boy’s mother. No one did a thing. We went over to an officer asking if they saw what was happening. The officer said, “it’s his kid, as long as no real harm is done, there’s nothing they could do.” Let me state unequivocally no one should ever be so mean to a child. Period.
I happened to be present when someone made a huge life decision. Huge. She shared she didn’t sleep the night before. She was up all night making this decision. The person told her family her decision. Instead of validating that it was a great decision and something she would be happy about as well as say “We will help you make this happen. Let us handle the details and we will make this easy for her.” She was attacked. Her decision was aggressively questioned, belittled and treated with eye-rolling and an attitude that this was the biggest inconvenience imaginable . It absolutely is not. What needs to happen may take a little time, but it’s something people do everyday.
The Last One of the Mean People – I Don’t Like ‘Em Post
Based on what I overheard, there was a person who had a tragic life experience. The person sitting next to her asked, with no grace, a very personal question in a blunt fashion. No acknowledgement that I’m sure this situation is hard. The person just asked two, what I can only imagine, very harsh questions about facts of the incident. The person answered and the other person asked for no clarification or context. She just nodded her head with judgement. As they say on the east-side … what a goof.
So, with this holiday season, let’s have understanding and humbleness. Let’s be kind and empathetic. Let’s think before we speak. And be patient when we think being in a hurry is the reality (because it’s really not). Let’s walk in each others shoes. And let’s try to have compassion for all the mean people, because maybe some kindness can help them see there are other ways to do things.
Instead of saying Mean People – I don’t like ’em, I should say, I pray that you find peace and care in your heart that you may have forgotten is there.