Volunteering – Good People Doing Good Things

People Doing Good Things

Volunteering – Good People Doing Good Things

Over the years, I have been involved in all kinds of volunteer work.  Some as simple as spending a day cleaning a park to being on the board of charities.  I have also been the beneficiary of charities as it relates to my family … such as the Association for the Blind.   The last few days I became involved in a new Non-profit.  It’s just organizing.  And, all I can say is there are a lot of good people doing good things.

In this particular group, there are people from all age groups, all backgrounds with all ideas and commitment to make this effort successful.

Wow!

This got me thinking about all the people out there willing to give their time, thinking, network and hands to get it done.

How People Do This

I bet there is not a person reading this who hasn’t volunteered or helped someone in need.

Some activities are organized, but so many acts of kindness are not.

Despite all the news around to the contrary, good things are happening.

One Before the Many

In my home town, they are trying to organize a group with the goal of brining the next generation into a world that celebrates tradition.  A preservation of culture.

Living four hours away, I was on the phone listening and learning.

After the first meeting, within days:

  • The group had secured a 503(b) designation
  • Created a mission
  • Spoke to the city to take over an abandoned property
  • Focus on the first project
  • Went to another event and started recruiting
  • Already have some donations

That’s a lot, right?

I think the energy of this group is going to make it successful.

Mistakes I’ve Made

When I was starting up my start-up, I built the technology, rented office space and hired staff.

Mistake, Mistake, kinda Mistake.

The first rule of thumb when starting a new business  (as I learned the hard way) is to not invest in real estate (buy or rent) until you have revenue coming in.  Barter for talent; and, if possible, secure some kind of Angel funding.

That last one is more involved than I ever imagined.

So as I’m on the phone listening, I realize that every place in the world is different.  You’d think someone who has worked in marketing for so long would know that.

But, for me, it was a shock.

Since we are talking about shock, let me go with it a little farther.  The group of people in this meeting were people I went to school with.  Some as young as kindergarten.  And, many through High School and some were even friends of my dad’s.

How is it that the kid whose mother used to call him home like the woman from the Prince spaghetti commercial, could be so polished, accomplished and full of energy?

What about the kid who skipped school so much, the truant officer would sit and have coffee with his mom.  How is he the best fundraiser around?

And, not to mention the man near my dad’s age with an Italian accent who researched how a similar organization in Rochester built their organization and member-base?  And now he was going to do it for this group as well as recruit his peers as members for the organization.

Impressive, Right?

Volunteering with this group has taught me two things:

  1. Everyone grows up (who knew I was kinda a Peter Pan?)
  2. Text books and people from Harvard don’t know as much as you think.

And a bell just went off in my head … when I was looking for funding for my company, an Angel investor group in California was interested in the technology.  They told me I should get seed money from New England.  That it would be too hard for them to help from a far.

Duh … because no one knows their market like the people in them.

This is true with my amazing friends from Upstate NY.

The World of Volunteering has Changed

This excerpt is from a 2014 Newsweek article (a little old, but still shows a trend)

“Last year (2013 in this article)the volunteer rate was 25.4 percent, or 62.6 million people, compared with 29 percent of the population in 2003, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. (Official statistics on volunteer rates go back only to 2002.) The BLS counts volunteering as any unpaid volunteer work done in the past 12 months, from driving a neighbor to the hospital to serving meals to the homeless or tutoring inner-city kids. The most common volunteering activity in the nation is fund-raising, followed by food distribution and then general labor.

The total hours volunteered varies widely in different parts of the country. Utah tops the charts both for the number of volunteers relative to its population and the hours spent volunteering—more than 78 hours annually on average for all Utahans. It’s likely that the Mormon Church’s strong emphasis on volunteer work has a lot to do with Utah’s rates.

At the other end of the spectrum is Arkansas, where citizens on average volunteer only a third as much time as Utah residents. The reasons for regional discrepancies can’t be boiled down to a single explanation, but in general volunteering is more prevalent in the Midwest than in other regions. One factor that seems to influence volunteer rates is financial stress. Single-parent households and families where both parents work full time or hold multiple jobs have little extra time for volunteering.”

I don’t know how they calculate that.  My only guess is they surveyed people across the country and this is what they found.

Volunteering Can’t be Lost

So volunteerism is reducing.  In my little microcosm, that’s not true.

I see small acts of kindness more and more.

Again going back to Upstate NY, I’m aware of four fundraisers for families in need.  Each one raised $25,000 or more.  Yes!  That much.

I worked on several fundraisers in New England.  A couple were auctions with crazy good gifts and organization took almost a year.  They didn’t earn as much.

These efforts were organized over coffee and care for the people who was in a challenging situation.

Pay it Forward

If you have the chance to help someone, do it.   If you want to write checks to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital or the Shriners (two of my favs) don’t set that aside.

Do it close to home because you will really make an impact.

And, never, ever, think that people don’t grow up, find their talents and have incredible good in them…even if you think of Prince spaghetti every time you see them.

One Last Thing

You’ll be surprised how a small act can make someone’s day.  

My dad had a little address book he also kept notes in it.  Everyday, he’d sit in his chair, go through the book and make some calls.  We never thought anything of it.

When my dad passed, we were in the receiving line.  And everyone shared a quick thing about my dad.  Several people told us that every year on their birthday, my dad would call them.  Sometimes it was the only birthday wish they received.  That it is something they will always remember and will miss.

We never knew that’s what he was doing.  That small call made people feel so much.

After reading this … go do something nice.  Make a call to someone you haven’t chatted with in a while.  Pickup something that fell off the shelf in the market.  Volunteer.  Just keep the good going.

Please tell us what you think the world needs more of or an act of kindness you saw that gave you a warm feeling.

Words We Need to Talk Scares Men

Words We Need to Talk Scares Men

One of the things I learned years ago is that the minute you say, “we need to talk” to a man, they run, avoid, need to go buy butter or call their mom.  The thing I still don’t know is why using these four (4) words are so frightening.

I asked Chip.  He said, “I just don’t want to get in trouble.”  Really?! Trouble?

Now the times I’ve wanted to say, “we need to talk” it’s been to slow down for a sec and figure out weekend plans.  Or, to ask what we should buy for a wedding gift.  Also, things about paper rolls (which should go over the top not bottom).

If I need to actually say something important, I wait for an opportunity and gently ask or say what’s on my mind.  That’s not scary.

What the Research Shows

Apparently, there is something called a negative activity bias.  Whether at work or at home, these words create anxiety.  So, bad experiences weigh heavier on us than neutral or good ones.

To overcome the bad feeling, someone needs to have affirmations ten or more times in the week the anxious experience happens .

However, the worst of all is someone saying, “we need to talk,” and they don’t do it right away.  They say let’s meet tomorrow at 5; or next week, etc.

This makes people, even the non-neurotic, think out of control thoughts trying to figure out what it is.

One story I heard was that someone’s boss said, “let’s grab lunch next week, we need to talk.”

After days of anxiety wondering what it could be, the day of lunch came.  The person was near sweating waiting for the expected bad news.

But, it wasn’t bad at all.   His boss just wanted to get to know him a bit and hear his ideas about a project coming up soon.

All that energy and sleep wasted on these four little words.

Can You Guess What the Answer is for Relief?

Talking, yup, talking relieves the anxiety of “we need to talk.”

If you simply ask, “hey what do you want to talk about?”, people will give you a genuine answer.  Phew-done.

In fact, some even say, the way to relieve this even more so and sway things in your way … talking the power back.

Simply allow the other person to see you vulnerable.  By saying, “Wow, I couldn’t imagine what it could be.  My heart skipped a beat.”

Most people are disarmed by this approach and deal with the topic in a very amicable way.

Just like your mom said, “Always be honest.

Is it The Same Experience in Txt?

Sorry, no.  In text, people feel very empowered.  Also, the lack of seeing body language and seeing someone’s face, you have no idea of context.  That heightens the uncertainty.   This is more disconcerting than phone. but using the phrase on the phone is still pretty nerve-racking.

Are There Other Ways to Get a Real Conversation Going

Being in proximity to someone and even working side by side, somehow lessens the stress of important conversations.   Activities  such as gardening (something I’m horrible at), cleaning the garage, or painting a room, has you multi-tasking and avoiding eye contact, but intimacy exists.

Doing these small tasks together opens the door for conversation.

Your mind is occupied using one part of your brain for determining how to complete the task; another is focusing on accessing the central nervous system physically completing the task; and allowing you to have a calmness to create an environment where guards are down and but the mind is not strenuously being used.

This is true of me for sure.  If we are on a long drive, looking forward, we talk like there’s no tomorrow.  We cover everything … meaningful conversations, relationship questions, things from our past, how the funniest things happen in my family.  

Same with cuddling (love to snuggle), being in Chip’s embrace, all cozy, and everything is fair game.

Some Ideas and News For Men When You Hear “We Need to Talk”

  1. Buying time to get your thoughts together but quickly saying something positive about your spouse for a second can help you catch your breath and lessen the stress for both of you.
  2. Don’t run away though, because that could escalate things (unless someone is crazy mad … then run).
  3. If you think there is a problem, work with her to come up with a solution.
  4. If it’s not a good time, say it, but give an alternative time to talk.  If you had a hard day and need to let the day roll of you.  It’s ok.  Most will understand.  As long as you follow through with talking another specified time.  This will also build trust.
  5. You can also just give in and listen.  Listen to the whole thing and nod.  Most women want to vent more than fight.  Listening is a great skill to have.
  6. I have a better idea … scoop her up and take her somewhere else,  Don’t know why, but I don’t want to be descriptive here.  You know what I mean.
  7. Keep the conversation or need for one to yourself.  Sharing it with friends, family or co-workers is disrespectful and when you make up, people will be bewildered and your spouse could be hurt.  Not cool.

Don’t Fear

Every couple whether friends, spouses, co-workers or family, need to find there own way to communicate.

My advice is never raise your voice and put yourself in the other person’s shoes before talking.  The bigger the issue the more you need to considerately think it through.

If you care about someone, you want to have a good outcome.

With us, once we get things out we end up laughing.

My Take on All This

If you need to talk, it doesn’t need to be announced.  Just do it.

Let us know you’ve ever said, “we need to talk” and what’s happened.

If you liked this post, please share it.

An Easter Story – That’s Unusual

An Easter Story – That’s Unusual – But Short

Like many families, each Easter an egg hunt was part of the holiday.  Usually, we would put out real eggs and hollow plastic eggs with candy inside.  Sometimes the eggs were inside and outside and every other combination you can think of.  However, one year, it didn’t go exactly as planned.  Thus, an Easter story – That’s unusual.  Warning .. this story is not for all audiences.

On one particular Easter, about 15 years ago, the eggs were all put outside before little ones were even awake.  Upon awaking, there was no immediate interest in  going outside to search for eggs.

However, looking outside to determine a game plan for finding the eggs was definitely of interest.

As I put the eggs out, I had to shew away a squirrel.  As we looked out the window, you could see the squirrel was back.  So I opened the door clapped my hands and the squirrel was gone.

The Squirrel Came Back – Again and Again

After finding different ways to scare him (or her) off, we gave up.  Now the squirrel kept going to the same plastic egg on a tree V over and over.

We had breakfast; got dressed; and were ready to go out.  Upon going outside, the squirrel ran up the tree.

The plastic egg he was nibbling on; he successfully gnawed through.  From what we could tell, he most likely ate plastic and chocolate.

And Then it Happened

The squirrel started shaking and swirling on the upper branch.  His heart was visibly heaving. Then, it squeaked and fell into the road.  Yes, either we killed the squirrel or it coincidently had a heart attack.

My guess is .. we were responsible.   But, let’s hope not.

The Aftermath

Well that ended the egg hunt.  We went inside.  After a bit, there was curiosity.  So to the window we went and there lay the squirrel.

Now I’m wondering if I should get the squirrel; put it in a bag and throw it in the garbage.

Before I could decide, there was a renewed interest in the egg hunt.

But, once outside, the actual interest was going to look at the squirrel.

Crud

So, there we stood looking at the squirrel.  With baskets in hand, there were two eggs collected followed by two looks at the squirrel.

At that point, it felt like getting back into the house was the best idea.

Missing Squirrel

No matter what we did; the window was visited every so often to look at the squirrel.  And then, it was gone.

We have no idea where it went.  It absolutely was dead.  It had eaten plastic, which had to not digest and very likely harmed organs.  On top of that, the squirrel ate chocolate.  That easily must have caused a heart attack.

So it has remains a mystery.

As Time Goes By — An Easter Story

At first the story was .. remember the Easter when the squirrel disappeared.  This changed to … remember the Easter when we were more interested in the squirrel than candy.  And finally, remember the Easter, when mom killed the squirrel.

This is the most popular of Easter memories.  If you mention Easter, this is the story that is shared.

So, Happy Easter, no matter what your past or present Easter memories or traditions are; or the most challenging ones where food was burned or people were at odds; you can always say, at least I didn’t kill a squirrel.

Please pray for the mysterious squirrel, enjoy your Easter or tell me an Easter story that makes mine look as if it’s not so bad.

If you like the story, please share it.

Glasses – I Can See and Adapt

I Can See

Glasses – I Can See and Adapt

After 50 something years, on Saturday I picked up glasses.  Sure they’re blue and as cute as they can be; and I can see.  Well kinda.

However, they are also a big adjustment.  Bigger than I thought it’d be; that’s for sure.  So here’s my story of glasses – I can see and adapt.

Where to start …

What The Optometrist Found

For more than 20 years my right eye has been compensating for my left.  No one ever noticed or found this before.  If you look at my license or passport, you can see my left eye has been squinting mildly all this time.  I don’t have lazy eye, astigmatism or any other oddity.  I just have really bad vision in my left eye.  The good news is I have really good vision in my right eye.

Sticking with good news.  My night vision is fine.

So I can’t explain WTH is happening, but I can tell you how it’s going.

How it Went

Upon walking out of the Optometrist’s office with my new glasses, I tripped 4 times while walking to the car that was 25 feet from the door.  Not off to a good start.

As I was getting into the car, the ground looked like it was wiggly.  You know when you watch TV and they cut to a dream sequence.  That’s what I saw.

Once in the car, the revelation hits me.  I can see.  I didn’t know I couldn’t see, but now I can.

That quickly changed.  Apparently, you are supposed to move your head around until you can find the head position and find the clear vision point.

Wait — glasses take work?  You don’t just put them on and you can see in vivid 4K?  Come on.  No one told me that until after they were made and on.

Well, at that point, I had to run with it.

There we are driving while I’m bobbing my head to find the clear view.  It was getting easier, but as soon as I relaxed; it’s all blurry again.  Ugh

I still cannot regularly find the sweet spot for near sight or far sight.

Am I Not Smart Enough to Wear Glasses?

The answer is yes.  I am not smart enough to wear glasses.  It’s the biggest pain ever.  You have to clean them constantly.  Pain.

Sometimes you can see better without them on.  Seems wrong. Pain.

Every morning, I forget that I wear them.  It takes 30+ minutes for me to realize I forgot them.  Pain.

The first 2 days, I kept covering my right eye so my left eye could learn to be open.  It seemed to work, but as soon as I open both eyes, they left one takes a break.  It just doesn’t want to be part of the seeing world.  Pain.

I Can See and Adapt

I can only see sometimes.  If I force my left eye to stay open, I can see.

Conclusion

I have glasses; and I cannot adapt.  Squinting will continue as will bobbing and weaving to try to get them to work.

Perhaps someday, an inventor will find a way for glasses to work automatically.  You simply put them on and you can see.

Progressive, bi-focals, tri-focals, near sighted or far, when you get glasses, you should be able to see immediately.

I’d love to see who can see and how you adapted to glasses.