Non-Millennials Live

15 Secrets – Female Football Survival Surprises

Every Football season there is an article or conversation on how women will survive it. One of the biggest assumptions is that women don’t understand football and who are the players. So so wrong. They just have a different perspective than men. Here are the 15 Secrets to understanding women and football.

First some stats

Regular female viewers of the NFL surpasses both the NBA and the MLB . The staggering number is 45 million women watched the last Super Bowl. That’s more than both the Grammy Awards and the Academy Awards. Women are 44% of the NFL fan base. The number of female watchers even beats Dancing With The Stars, the Voice and Grey’s Anatomy. But, the numbers are slipping quite a bit lately.

Now the 15 Secrets

Secret #1 – Game Rules -Whether they watch or not, women know the rules of football. They also know the players. I’ve learned somehow by osmosis, from being a cheerleader and coming from a huge sports family. While Chip is glued to the TV screen and I’m multitasking, I insert things into the conversation such as: didn’t x player play for Buffalo and the Titans before that? Chip looks puzzled, but he’s gotten used to it.

Secret #2 – Sports Attire – If women wants to wear a Patriots jersey, she’ll buy it herself. Now “yay” to the merchandisers at the NFL, because there is some cute attire now. However, this is not a great gift. Even for a Packers’ fan. Best gifts for women still include: shoes, jewelry, trips and clothes. Sure hope Chip reads this.

Secret #3 – Game Day Food – If a women watches the game with you, she doesn’t want wings, chips, pizza and subs for food. You may have a chance with sliders, if they are done right. If it’s not on the menu during the week, it’s still not on game day/days.

Secret #4 – Myth of Football Widow -There is no such thing as a football widow. If a woman tries to make you think they feel neglected during football season, she’s pulling a fast one. Women are happy to watch when they want to; go shopping; watch romantic comedies in another room, read a book or have a day with a girlfriend. Don’t fall into this trap.

Secret #5 – Cooking for the guys – Granted men and women get together to watch football, but don’t expect the woman in your life to cook for everyone every week. Some might enjoy it, but every week … ahhh … no.

Want more? Secrets 6-10

Secret #6 – Football Pools – If given a football sheet to pick who the winners will be each week, a women will win. She may pick with team colors in mind. Some pick by following the game or reading it in passing, She may even look at the spread from Vegas. And, some just take a shot. No matter the method, she will win.

Secret #7 – Swearing – If a women doesn’t normally swear, she won’t during the game. She will come up with alternative things to say. One of my favorites is …”that wasn’t nice at all.”

Secret # 8 – Good plays – A good play is a good play. Even if a women is supporting their favorite team, if the other team makes a good play, she’ll give them credit. She feels these athletes are as good as it gets. They should be recognized for flipping over another player, while catching a ball with double coverage and somehow escaping to run down the field. It is what it is.

Secret # 9 – People in the stands – If a women knows a friend is at the game, she will look for them. Even if they are in a section that never gets air time, she will be relentless in her pursuit.

Secret #10 – Men in their man caves – She gets a kick out of the “He-man Women’s Hater Clubs.” Someone I know has all his friends over every Sunday during football season. Most of the men and one woman are divorced. After a few beers, they start discussing specifics of their divorces. So instead being a football clutch, they are a “Little Rascals” episode. I don’t know which is Alfalfa, but I will get back to you on that one.

11-15 are the most insightful

Secret #11 -The national anthem – Women like seeing who sings the national anthem. They like seeing the military present the colors. Women also can get teary-eyed during it if military are present. They understand how much the two things go together.

Secret #12 – Faces of the players – Inevitably, after a good play or bad one, the camera pans to the player on the bench. Women look at the expression on their face. Not to see if they are happy, proud or mighty. I say things like, “Aww, he is so sweet, look at that expression on his face. I bet he’s really nice.” Chip is not a fan of this assessment of the game.

Secret #13 – Injuries – If someone gets hurt or there’s a face mask, she will be concerned and upset. There are rules, but people should play nice. If it’s a really bad injury, I turn my head and have Chip tell me what’s happening.

Secret #14 – Women as coaches – The NFL now has it’s first two female coaches (Jennifer Welter, Cardinals and Kathryn Smith, Bills) and there should be more of them. Women read situations better, motivate better and recognize strengths and weakness faster and know how to immediately correct them. However, I have been told I cannot be a professional football coach. It goes back to when I used to bring snacks to kid games. One time my son said to his coach, “I’m going to take a break and sit with my mom” Then he sat with me eating strawberries and blueberries for the rest of the game. After this story, Chip believes if I were a coach, there would be snacks and circle time on the sidelines. So, my next job will not be NFL coach, because Chip is right.

Secret #15 – Watch this – If I had a nickle for every time Chip said, “watch this.” about a replay, I’m sitting right next to him. I saw it.

The end zone

Football is a religion to some; entertainment to others and an opportunity to briefly escape the responsibilities of life for awhile for more. Men and women can enjoy the sport together now that 15 secrets are revealed.

Did we miss a secret? Let us know.