Things You Say or Don’t Say

Say or Don't say

Things You Say or Don’t Say Digitally

First a few confessions … I scroll and “like” posts more than anything else.  And often there is a congrats written here and there.  If there is time, I’ll write a quick comment.  However, there are many things you say or don’t say.

There is one person who I always comment on his posts.  I don’t know if he gets me or I get him.  Or, maybe we both have the same sense of humor.  I feel no matter what I write, there is no risk.

Things I Have to Bite My Fingers About

I find many times people write things that are very personal and sometimes even sad.  Expressing a loss is definitely one of them.

As for all posts, the wording is the thing that makes me have to bite my fingers versus write what I’m thinking.

I’ll use an example from the person who I can write anything on his posts.

He had a picture that showed a person trying to stuff a full size mattress into the backseat of a compact car.  The caption read something such as, “This isn’t going to work,”  My response was … maybe this person is a magician and the picture was caught before he said abracadabra.

Now imagine this quality of comment on the type of posts I discuss above.  Not good, really not good.

Even worse on Pinterest or Instagram, I think these type of things and am upset that even there I can’t or shouldn’t write them.

The Passive Aggressives

Many people write things directed at someone, but don’t use names or describe specific incidences.  These are the people I am most jealous of.

As I wrote this, I thought … hmm … is writing about passive aggressives, passive aggressive? Probably.

The reason I am jealous of these people is because there are a short list of people that I would like to indirectly direct things toward.  Some aren’t even in my online sphere.  However, I still would enjoy doing it.

It’s wrong.  I know, but just once I’d like to let people know, I know what they think I don’t know, and how I feel about it.  Indirectly of course.

Admire Those Who Share Their Heart

Whether they are open about it or not, everyone has a struggle.

Some people are very comfortable sharing their journey.  The support they receive from friends and family are heart-warming.  People truly care about them.  When you are facing something that has broken your spirit or health, it’s wonderful that the support is available.

I always try to write something inspirational but unique.  If you’re going to do it, do it to the best of your ability.

Some people have even confronted issues that I have.  These are the ones I respond to with some depth but still somewhat generic.  One of my situations has resolved itself, but when someone wrote about it, I gave my support.

And, it was good to know that I wasn’t the only one.  Sometimes life throws you a huge curveball and swinging at it makes it worse.  I wrote to her privately and thanked her for making me feel as if I wasn’t alone and what I read on the topic.  We both felt better.

My parents told me never to bother anyone with our troubles.  It seems I apply this to my online behavior.

People Who Write Things That Are Phony

Not sure how to write this.  So there is going to be a lot of subtext in this one.

There are people who knowingly make bad choices; that if known, would hurt other people.   However, they write posts that brag or praise the people they are doing wrong.   Good people shouldn’t be publically and hypocritically praised when actions and words don’t align.  

If I was in that situation, I just wouldn’t write anything.  (Unless the wording struck me funny.)

This is a hard one though.  It’s a cover-up, but at the same time, an insult.  

Since we were raised not to cause others harm, I  keep the info to myself.

However, years ago, I was at a party and told the story how I told a ‘best friend’ her BF was cheating on her.  She stopped talking to me for 6 years.

A person there said she wished her good friends told her what they knew that impacted her life.  That’s what I would like too.

See tough one.

The Politian or Activist

The thing I love about the Politicians and Activists is they say they are open to others ideas but they aren’t.  OK some are … but only 10% are actually open and want to educate.

During the past year-and-a-half of world events, people have actually left social media to avoid conflict.  Of course they announced their departure and note why and indirectly implywho put them over the edge.  Then three days later they are back on (in most cases).

I never comment on these.  Well that’s not 100% true.  There was a political conversation going on where people were assertive on all sides.  So I posted an idea in the middle of both.   And someone challenged me.  So I reworded my post.

This man told me to take a side or leave the stream.  He felt there was no middle.  His post to me started with a rainbow and unicorn emoji.  So I left the conversation.

And, FYI, there is always a middle.

In most instances people are saying the same thing on 90% of a conversation. If you can acknowledge that, you can work through the rest.

That sounds like something that would get me kicked out of another conversation.  But since I like the rainbow emoji, I’m ok with it.

Some of the  Bigger Things You Say or Don’t Say

Sharing or showing pictures of horrors.  

Picture this … You wake up in a great mood.  You scroll to see what’s new with your friends.  Oh look someone’s daughter had her baby.  Wow, the group I’m in has a hilarious post, etc.  Then, boom, there is a post with an image of a child or animal harmed.  Come on .. this is a refuge.

I do not comment on these and scroll past as quickly as possible.

I know we shouldn’t pretend the horrors of the world exist, but shock when I’m barely awake isn’t the way to help me engage.

The Infirmed

In the same vein as this, are the people who daily tell you about the sad journey of their sick child.  They have thousands of followers.  Some really get me and I do follow them.  These are usually ones where you can see all dimensions of the child and family. Authenticity always works on me.

However, the ones that only post visuals of the child in unfortunate moments, I can’t do that.  I know it’s sad, but it bothers me too much.  There’s a line between empathy and constant distress.  I know these families are desperate for help and support.   And they aren’t PR experts, but one of the mom’s who have figured out the secret should teach the others.

More  Bigger Things You Say or Don’t Say


Then there are the fundraisers.  I want to give to everyone.  There are all kinds of these.  The ones I see are:  I’m walking, riding, running or hiking for a cause.  Someone is sick.  Give to this charity.  Give to this GoFund Me.

The new ones that really makes me feel guilty are the ones that say .. instead of wishing me Happy Birthday, please give to this charity in my name.  They set a monetary goal.  And, they have a ticker showing the money goal, what has been given and by who.

With this one you feel cheap, like a bad friend, someone who is a non-supporter of a worthy charity or a big ole loser.

On top of that, you don’t know what to do.  Should I still post Happy Birthday?  Or scroll passed as if you are whistling without noticing.

Adv to Donate to a Large Charity  

As you look at each of these, you see tons of people donating.

How much money to charitable efforts are you supposed to support?  Even thinking of this makes me feel guilty.

As an aside, one of the best charity commercials out there right now is the one for Shriners’ Hospital.   It shows kids with challenges being normal kids with the addition of striving for health.

Perfect mix of visual, humanity, relevance and determination.  Please give. 🙂

When People Read My Blog

Whether a post, comment, share or blog, the goal is for people to read it and it’s an invitation to react to it.

This blog has 79 followers.  99% are my friends.  A few times I had posts that had a ton of readers (like 10K but I don’t want to brag).  However, most are seen only by my friends.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to an acquaintance outside my everyday world. During the conversation, she said she read my blog.  It never occurred to me that someone who wasn’t an absolute stranger or close friend would read this thing.

I was flabbergasted.  So I asked, “well did you like it?”  Then even greater  shock.  She said yes.

Once I heard this, I stopped writing for a couple weeks.  Lol.  Totally counter intuitive.

I think this was actually passive aggressive.  So I got one in.

What I Should Stick To

I probably should stick to Pinterest.  You express yourself by the images you select.  No real temptation to give inappropriate or smart comments.

As for Instagram, I never post images in real-time.  I also appreciate the opportunity to love or pass.  I only comment succinctly here.

Twitter I’m a follower more than tweeter.  However I did recently tweet about American Idol.  Don’t know what came over me.

Flickr and Tumblr I post to for sport.  Same for Reddit and Ezine.

Really my biggest challenge is behaving on Facebook.  That’s where restraint is most needed.

So in my attempt to review the Things You Say or Don’t Say digitally, I realized I finally took the passive aggressive route I tried so hard to avoid.  Eeks?

In addition, I am shier than I thought, have more opinions than are necessary, and still will have to bite my fingers when people word things in a way that triggers my wise tendencies.

Please join me in a passive aggressive moment and tell me what you feel about the different ways to act online.